Mom Guilt

Mom Guilt.

We all have it.  We all feel it - every day of our lives.  Whether we are SAHM or Working Moms, we play these mind games with ourselves.  Here's my mom guilt for the week:

1.  Road Rage

Yes - I talk when I drive.  Passionately.  At other drivers who can't hear me.  Avery likes to remind me they can't hear me.  And I think, "what kind of example am I setting for my 11-year-old who in 5 short years will be behind the wheel of her own vehicle?"

Then, the kids in the carpool also comment on my talking back.  It's not like I'm yelling, but I do get a bit snarky.  A missed light here.  A driver not paying attention there.  It definitely needs to stop.  I realize this.  Ugh.

I'm a bad mom...


2.  Chores

Maybe, I'm a bit too lenient sometimes when it comes to chores. I have never been a "neat freak".  I've been the "Oh my god, company's coming - hide the mound of clothes behind the sofa!" kind of girl.  I just don't have the perfect, Southern Living / Pinterest perfect house.  And I never will.

I will, however, try to have all the dishes done (mostly) within a day's time.  The laundry may only be 2 weeks behind.  Vacuuming is questionable, but I don't have a super sheddy dog, so you wouldn't notice.  Can't tell you the last time my blinds have been done.

I'm a bad mom...


3.   I work too much

I am so fortunate that my career is on an uphill trajectory right now.  I'm blessed.  I can't believe how lucky I am.  With it, however, comes a lot of sacrifices as a mom.  I work late, I work on the weekends, I work in the evenings.  I go out of town sometimes.  I work a lot.

After school, my daughter goes next door to do her homework with her friend.  She comes home before 6 when I get home.  Gosh, I have great neighbors!  Then I feed her, get her to karate twice a week, and its bedtime.  Not a whole lot of time for us to be together some times.  I try to make it up to her, but I'm not the best at it.  And its not like in the past, where Kevin could fill the void.  Its just me and her.  So oftentimes I choose work over her.  I feel its in the best interest of our family - for the long run.  Maybe its not...

I'm a bad mom...


4.  Sometimes I want alone time

Yes, raising kids is hard.  And just like any SAHM, I too, yearn for a moment of silence.  It sounds terrible, but I am "on" 24/7.  Between work and being a wife and mom, and how often they intertwine, I don't see the "me" time like I once had.  Before Kevin left, I would have Friday afternoons or occasional weekend days to jaunt off and do things by myself or with friends.  I don't have that luxury anymore.  I also have had to curb some of my after work extracurriculars which would help reset my stress levels due to needing to be home at a reasonable hour with my child.

I do not begrudge any of this to my daughter.  I am happy to be with her and spend time with her.  Our bond has strengthened in the time that Kevin has been away.  But there are select moments when I just think to myself, "I need space."  Space to catch my breath or my thoughts.  To just push the reset button.

I'm a bad mom...


I realize none of these things truly make me a bad mom.  CDC will not be knocking down my door after someone reports me for misconduct.  But I do realize that the mommy guilt sets in for these things.

It's tough being a mom - no matter what kind you are.  And its hard to rid yourself of these thoughts.  Every day, its a battle.  Raising children is the war.  How do we know we've won?  When we see our child turn into responsible citizens.

I'm not perfect.  I'd be happy being an "OK" mom.  As long as Avery turns out "OK," too.