13 Years and Stronger than Ever

Today marks Kevin's and I's 13th wedding anniversary.  Many would say thirteen is an unlucky number, but in fact, it has proved us completely lucky over the years.  In fact, we were married on the thirteenth of October - a date known to have the most Friday the Thirteenths in history.

In honor of our thirteen years of stubbornly staying together, through thick and thin, I bring you:

7 Questions to Ask Before You Geo-Bachelor

I often get asked the question, "what made you decide to stay behind?"  I typically laugh, because, well, its a loaded question.  I can't say there was one thing that truly made my family and I decide that by staying behind, it would be better for us.

But there are definitely conversations or decisions you can have to help your family decide if you should go "full geo" - or geo-bachelor - families separated by distance, not by love.

Gone is Gone

I recently sat around a table with some amazing military spouses. These men and women from across the country opened my eyes to the challenges facing so many of you out there. But what really struck a chord with me was we shared one common thread: our partners, at one time, were away when something bad happened.

This something bad could have been a flat tire, or it could have been the loss of a relative.  It didn't matter, because to each of us, at that one moment in time, we couldn't reach over to the one person who could make it better: our partner.

Staycations for MILSOs: Monterrey, California

I just got back from a week of visiting my hubby in Central California (the fly over area).  After visiting several times, I've really discovered some great spots for military families in the area (or those wanting to visit).  Hashtag ItsSoAwesome  Hashtag ImNotKidding

Throw in family beaches and gorgeous sunsets and this region of the Golden State is ripe for a staycation.

Just an hour south of San Francisco or 5 hours north of Los Angeles, you'll find Monterrey.  If you are coming from Southern California, may I suggest Amtrak?  It may be quicker on a Friday night and a whole lot less stressful.


So where to?  What do you want to do?  What's military friendly?  I'll show you through my trial and error (wait - adventures never have error, you just learn), so you, too, can enjoy this splendid region.

6 Spark-Worthy Dating Ideas Across Miles

So your spouse is away - maybe deployed, maybe geo-bachelored, or maybe just because of travelling for their job.  How do you keep the sparks going when he or she is just not next to you all the time?

It's actually quite easy to keep dating them without physically being close.  Here are 6 spark-worthy tips to keep your marriage going across the miles.

One Year Later

I disappeared this summer, for good reason.  I needed to clear my mind, I needed to make decisions and I needed to reevaluate if being a geo-bachelor wife was really for me.

Wait.  Before you get all, "oh my gosh, they're getting a divorce" on me, stop right there!  That's not what I'm saying!  Instead, let me remind you, or explain to those newer to my blog.

that time i....started nesting

I am the type that likes to avoid change.  I say that I'm a pure millenial and will take it head on, but realistically, I'm the worst military spouse you could ever want.  I want stability.  I want constant.  I want security.

So a few weeks ago, my blog went dark.  That's because when things start changing around me, I go to that deep, dark place inside where I don't want anyone to visit.  I stop communicating, I close up, put up my walls, and tell everyone to "leave me alone."  In facing my flight or fight reaction, and its safe to say, I'm on a one-way flight to Bermuda right now.

Why the change?

that time... it wasn't like a TV show

I am a military spouse.  There is just no denying it.  But my life is far from a TV show.

This rings so true when it comes to homecomings.

It came to my attention over the weekend when one of my friends asked me if I ever had one of those really wonderful homecomings where I was dressed up real fancy, made a sign for my husband and waited with hundreds of other spouses for my husband to return.  My answer was a simple:  no.

snow is cold or the tale of being more vulnerable

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of hosting my best friend from high school and her lovely family who were visiting from Texas.  It was the first time I opened up my new home to real guests - not just my mom and dad who stay from time to time.

The experience was different for me.  Opening my house and inviting people to see me at all times of the day - from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed.  It was strange.  I was vulnerable.

But an amazing thing happened during this vulnerability.  I became more open.  I stayed up late to just talk to my friend - a late night talk that was like long overdue therapy for both of us.  And I opened myself up to let someone in.

For so long, I've put barriers up around myself and tell others, "no, I don't need your help.  I've got this."  And yes, maybe at times I do have it together.  But oftentimes, I don't have it altogether.  And truthfully, most of us don't have it all together, all the time. And that's ok.

That's where friends come in.

They open their arms and offer help and support.  They lift you up when you are falling down.  And they just hug you when you need a hug.

This weekend, I needed a little help.  Silly as it sounds, I was purchasing a car for Kevin 3.5 hours away and asked my parents to give me a ride.  (No problem there - they are always there for me).

Instead, my best friend changed her departure plans to stay one more day and take me to go pick up Kevin's new car and to spend one more day with me.  I didn't ask her to do this, she just offered.  And instead of my usual, "oh no, I got this" attitude, I stopped a second and said, "ok - that would be great!"

So Saturday morning, we packed up 3 adults, 3 kiddos for a 3.5 hour ride (one-way) up the mountains to go pick up a car for my husband who (mind you) lives 1200 miles away.  Strange?  Of course it is, but that's our life!

On our way up the canyon, we stopped in Vail and got the kiddos out so these Texas kids (and my Colorado one) could play in the snow.  And what do you know - its cold!

By the time the kiddos got back in the car, they were freezing, but had a ton of fun getting stuck in the snow banks.

I couldn't ask for better friends who offer to help me with a very odd request.  We were gone for almost 12 hours to pick up a car for a guy who lives far away and won't even have access to it for several months.  But nothing in my life sounds normal anymore and my friends have likely figured that out.

Just like the snow banks we played in, I have built up barriers around me to help protect myself.  But I am working on breaking them down to be a better friend and accept help from my friends.  Besides, its more fun, don't you think?

Do you find it hard to open up and be vulnerable, even to your closest friends?  How have you broken through your barriers and accepted help from others?

Whats Your Secret Weapon?

I was at an event recently, and after introducing myself, I was asked what the secret weapon for my success was. Taken aback, I gave a really lame answer that was cute at the time, but not indicative of what it really is.

Friday Favorites - Movin and Groovin!

I'm linking up with Andrea, Narci and Erika for our Friday Favorites this week!  If you are visiting from the linkup - welcome to my crazy neck of the woods (or suburbia - that's more like it!)   I'd love for you to say hello in the comments!  And if you are wondering who I am, take a peek at my About Me.  If you REALLY like me, go ahead and add me to your Bloglovin account or Google Friend on the side there - yep, right there on the left side.

I Hate Communication

I hate communicating.  Such strong words from someone whose whole job relies on communicating - verbally and non-verbally.  But when you are communicating 1200 miles away, it sucks.  I know - I shouldn't use that word, but it does!

Mom Guilt

Mom Guilt.

We all have it.  We all feel it - every day of our lives.  Whether we are SAHM or Working Moms, we play these mind games with ourselves.  Here's my mom guilt for the week:

A New Appreciation

I have been so lucky to spend the last few days with Kevin.  Lucky, because I've been able to cross off things on my "honey do" list.  I found, though, that when he was gone, I realized just how much he did to keep our family going.

2 Week Recap -or- Where Have I Been?

Yes, I have been missing.  But listen, I have a really good excuse (and a doctor's note!).

Kevin came into town for 10 days (yes, that's like longer than most people's vacations).  So our family put it into high gear and we did as much as we could in a short amount of time.  Let me try to recap for you:

Just Keep Swimming!

I keep getting asked the same question, "How are you doing?"  And its a tough one to answer sometimes.  It all depends on what time of the day you ask me, and what news I may have just received.

Finding Our Normal

Tomorrow marks an incredible day in our family's journey - we will once again be separated.  But it also highlights how tomorrow isn't the first time we've gone through this routine of goodbyes.  And while this transition is so foreign to so many of my friends, neighbors and relatives - its our normal.

I hate goodbyes.  I am the person who will avoid going to someone's going away dinner just so I can fade away instead of give them a goodbye hug.  I don't like the word, I don't like the action, and I really don't like the feeling.  And it's probably because I've had to say it so many times in my life.  But the worst goodbye is having to see my husband walk away from me (or drive away) and know that the next day, I won't get to hug him like I want.  Its a selfish feeling, and for that, I feel even worse.

Tomorrow, Avery and I will have to adjust again to what normal is in our family.  Normal will become Skype phone calls, and once a month visits to the airport.  Normal will become stillness in the house at 9pm, when she goes to sleep.  Normal will become me playing good cop and bad cop.  Normal will become rearranging schedules to make every track meet and karate practice.  Normal will be trying to be the perfect parent that the two of us usually are together.

And normal will become having to get used to monthly goodbyes.  Those goodbyes I hate.  Because each month, I will have to go through the routine of hugging my husband one more time and say, "see you next time."

July Goals - and A BIG Announcement!

Holy cow!  It's July ALREADY!  How in the world did half our year whiz by us?  Its been 6 months since

Kevin and I moved into our house and we STILL have a front room filled with boxes.  So, because I feel like I'm barely accomplishing anything in my world these days, I'm going to try to physically write down my goals.  And posting them publicly for the world to see and judge me  is an even better way to keep me going.  Plus, I believe public shaming is a good motivator!

And stay tuned for a very BIG announcement regarding our family.  It's a secret we've been keeping for a few months (though a couple of you may already know it).  We're ready to share it with everyone now!